An Elixir of Excitement and Dread

CheneyDaily Grind, Writing Challenges13 Comments

ifwewerehavingcoffee1

… I would tell you that I’m going to a wedding today that I have been looking forward to all summer, but my anxiety is threatening to ruin it for me.

… I would tell you that I have the intention of giving up alcohol after today, which makes the anticipation of this “last hurrah” as exciting as it is scary.

… I would tell you that all I need is a good time out with some friends, a great reason to celebrate the love of a favorite couple of mine.

… I would tell you, honestly, that as much as I am excited to get dressed up and bling out, the pounding I’ve had in my chest all morning is also making me want to stay home in front of my air conditioner and read blogs and write instead. Because it’s safer here where no one knows me and no one is watching. Because even though I’ve been looking forward to this day, I’ve been worrying about being social with people I really only know through work, and what if my co-workers don’t like the “real me”, whatever that is?

… I would tell you I’m already looking forward to tomorrow, to waking up in a hotel bed, to my Morning Pages and hotel breakfast, to getting back to the work of changing my life, one step at a time, one word at a time, one day at a time.

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I’m linking up for the first time with Part Time Monster’s #weekendcoffeeshare & will visit all the other writers and great posts on the flip side. 

13 Comments on “An Elixir of Excitement and Dread”

  1. Have a good time 🙂 I face many of those feelings as well. It’s good to change up scenery and be social once in awhile. Your regularly scheduled programming will be waiting for you tomorrow 😀

  2. Hello Cheney Meaghan! It’s great to meet you amongst the coffee sharers! I hope you get to enjoy the wedding despite your anxiety. I totally understand wanting to write and read rather than be social. But if your coworkers don’t like the “real you” they’re the ones missing out. Have a lovely weekend, and thanks for the coffee 🙂

    1. I think the ones who didn’t like me before probably feel the same way but the ones who do like me like me more. You’re more you when you’re out in the world. It was a good time. I did too much worrying.

  3. Weddings are always fun, especially if you’re staying over and can disappear when you want to. I hope you have a wonderful restful Sunday and keep going with your goals. Step by step you’ll get there.

    1. Thank you for visiting. It was fun, and I worried more than I should have (as usual). Sunday was full of rest and recovery and today is all about catching up on your lovely blogs!

  4. I have a lot of social anxiety, and I could’ve written this myself. I used to drink quite a bit, but I very rarely do now for various reasons, including how it affected my social anxiety

    1. Thank you, Diana. I think “I could’ve written this myself” is one of the best comments a person can give – makes me feel so much less alone! Thanks for stopping by!

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