The sickness still has me in its grips, and I think it’s getting worse today. Again today I got no writing done, but I did get a lot of WORK done this evening, you know, actual work for work since I left sick early today to come home and take a nap.
It’s getting harder and harder to be there every day. It’s getting harder to tell myself that I have to just work so that I can get my bills paid, even though I have the opportunity to come and go as I please – I still need to stay so that I can make a living. In a way I can’t wait for NaNo to be over already so that I can do more of that other writing and see if I can make a living off of it or not… probably not, but I am in a pessimistic mood today.
Tonight, Linda dropped Elise off after her gymnastic’s practice, and just a few minutes after she left, Gary, Elise’s grandpa, called looking for Linda. She never keeps her cell phone on, so I wasn’t surprised he’d called. He didn’t sound weird or anything, we didn’t talk much, I just told him she’d left about five minutes ago and he thanked me and that was that.
Hours later, Mike called me to tell me that Gary had a massive heart attack tonight and I guess it’s not looking good. They are trying to stabalize him, and if he makes it through the night, in the morning he’ll be having a quadruple bypass surgery.
We aren’t close, Gary and I. It’s weird when terrible things happen to people who are close to you, like, their lives are intimately connected and intertwined with yours, but you don’t really have strong emotional attachments to them. So it took me a while to feel it – the pain – not pain that I’m feeling over this really, but the pain I know Elise will be feeling if anything happens to him, if he doesn’t pull through. Like the feelings I have about my own grandfather whenever something happens to him.
I’m not ready for death. She’s not ready for death, is she?