- A review of Station Eleven
- A review of Unbroken
- A review of this pretty whack-ass movie I just watched, Deliver Us From Evil
- Approximately 5 weeks of Sharing My World Posts
- The first, and second, and third, and so on.. in a series of Waitress Woes
- The one about that time I printed out my most recent MS
- One about cleaning, and not cleaning my house, and how I feel about clean houses
- One about why I maybe haven’t been writing
- One about why I post after 11pm every night
- At least a dozen on the cool things I’ve found online lately
- All the writing challenges I can find (LOL, HAR DE HAR HAR)
Today, I spent $24 and about three hours “blog wrangling” as I call it. Fighting with CSS code to get my new WordPress.com theme “Zuki” to look the way I want it to look.
I’m not quite there yet, because I am not sure how I can get the featured image to NOT show up at the top of all the blog posts above the post title. If there are any professional blog wranglers reading who might now the CSS code for this, I would love your help! Otherwise, when I get home I’m going to consult the trusty WordPress forums.
Blog wrangling is something I’ve always loved to do. I’ve been messing with HTML and CSS on websites since I was in high school. I started out with an Angelfire site back in 1999, then used all sorts of other platforms like Diary-X, Livejournal, Blogger, and finally my own self-hosted WordPress and Squarespace sites.
I am NEVER satisfied with how my blog looks. I could tweak it and change it constantly and still wouldn’t feel like it was “finished.” But then, I think it’s fun to constantly change things. It’s satisfying to learn new bits of code and use them to achieve instant gratification of a job well done.
When the job is going well, of course.
Are you happy with your theme? What are some things you might like to change about it? You should let me know, maybe I can help!
Late late Thursday night, so late it was really Friday morning, I got back from my trip to Arizona. I joked to Brian before I left him that if I were any more relaxed I would be asleep, and days later I have been lucky enough to hold on to the majority of that deeply relaxed feeling that has left me mostly quiet, and happy.
I have SO. MANY. WORDS. about my vacation, so many photos and stories to share from my trip, but now I just want to hold on to some of this quiet and peace for just a little while longer.
On vacation, I barely checked my email, and I didn’t blog and I didn’t even write. I was completely disconnected from the world that lives beyond the computer screen, and when I got home I realized that I had forgotten to pay my internet bill so now cannot connect at home. For a few moments I felt lost and panicky – NO INTERNET AT HOME?! – but it’s been four days and I’ve cleaned my house and read an entire book and I think I will wait a little bit longer to reconnect there, because now I can really appreciate this space after a long absence from it.
You know when you have so much to say it’s hard to know where to begin? I’m feeling that now. I want to share stories and have conversations, but I just want to find a way to do it that fits me and fits my life. I can’t believe that I started out the year intending to blog daily. I am still partly mad at myself for failing at that even though I keep telling myself that it’s okay. Because I DO have all of these things to say, there is never a lack of words, there is never a writer’s block, I’ve never really believed in that. There’s just this block somewhere right on the edge of myself that keeps me inside wondering what is okay to let out. What is okay to share, what I want to say and share – I keep asking myself all the time, can I do this? Can I find away to be brave, to be myself in a place where people are always watching? I thought I had that once, and I kept giving it away, which is to say, I kept throwing it away, I kept deleting the parts of myself that I didn’t like and that I didn’t think were pretty enough or “authentic” enough.
This is just me though, all the time. Writing and rambling and trying to figure myself out, just like the rest of you. Right?
Well, I failed. I intended to blog every day for a year and I totally failed. But you know what? That’s okay. Whatever. I’ll try again next year. Or maybe I’ll try again next month, or maybe I won’t try again at all. Well, no. I will try again, January 1 2014 or before, because damnit I CAN DO IT! But I just have to find a way to do it that is right for me.
To be fair, my goal to blog daily didn’t really have much to do with blogging at all, which is probably the exact reason why I failed at it. The only purpose I had in doing it was to give myself the discipline (and gift) of daily writing. It turns out though, even if I do have plenty of things to say daily, they aren’t all great for blog fodder. Really, my life is very boring indeed, and I am shocked and amazed by how many women make their ordinary lives seem so extraordinary with their beautiful words.
It’s okay. I’m good with reading other people’s beautiful words every day while I keep most of mine to myself. Because, while I failed at daily blogging after 75 straight days, I’m currently on a 109 day streak of writing at least 750 words a day on 750words.com. I swear, Buster Benson should pay ME for using his service because of how much I boast about it. I tell every writer and journaler I know about the site, about the way it motivates me with the badges and the statistics and how I’ve learned so much about myself in the last 109 days because of it. So, I don’t really care as much about failing at blogging because I know that the words that I keep to myself are just as special, they are just as valid and appreciated for coming out of my tiny little brain.
I just kept typing and deleting ‘brian’ right there instead of brain because I have Brian on the brain. One week for tomorrow I will be leaving on a jet plane to take my FIRST! REAL! ADULT! VACATION! EVAR!!!!
I will be flying in to Phoenix next Tuesday and staying for TEN DAYS! During which time we will take a road trip that brings us to THE GRAND CANYON!! AND LAS VEGAS!! AND LOS ANGELES!!!
So basically I am having a mini stroke every time I think about the fact that there are only SEVEN! DAYS! LEFT! before I leave. I’ll tell you, when you are looking forward to something, time can feel like it is going really slowly, but all of a sudden things creep right up on you and they’re there, and I don’t even have a suitcase yet, and I certainly don’t yet have enough of the proper anxiety medication to get me through the two one-hour layovers I have on each leg of my trip. Oy. It will be fun though.
In other news, Elise’s school vacation came to an end today just as it seems the rest of Americans are preparing to start their April vacation NEXT week. Which means that since Elise had the dumbass first week of April vacation, there wasn’t much to do in the way of free activities that our county seems to offer in abundance between April 15-20. Let’s just say I was THRILLED to drop her off at school this morning. Le sigh. And slow clap to all you SAHM’s out there – I just don’t have it in me for full time parenthood. Slow clap, SAHM’s, slow clap.
So, here’s the deal. I made a new website. WWW.HELLOCHENEY.COM Yeah, I know. But the truth is I only have my blog on WordPress.com for the community aspect of it (WAVES HELLO TO ALL THE WONDERFUL NEW BLOGGING FRIENDS I’VE MADE THIS YEAR!) but I actually hate not being able to host my own website and have total control over everything, and WordPress.com didn’t allow me to have the total sense assaulting color explosion that I was really going for.
I am still going to post here daily until the end of 2013 (or for as long as I can hold up my daily streak) but I will often probably link to the other blog to, so I will share the feed tomorrow for you kind folks who would like to follow me around.
In other news, I started writing a new story today and I am over 3K words in and leaving you now to go pound out some more. BUTT IN THE CHAIR, PEOPLE! That’s how you get shit done!
I honestly didn’t intend for my new blog to so closely resemble the color scheme of my shower curtain but as you can see up there, that’s exactly what happened. It’s a color explosion, an assault on the senses. And I LOVE IT.
I have blog ambivalence, is my problem. I am never satisfied with my blog design or CMS, and I thought months ago that I was so happy at WordPress.com and I was (am) happy with it in that the built in blog reader connected me to some great people, writers, and new friends. But, I am not happy with the limitations of it, and wanted to move back to self hosting. So here I am, welcome to the bright and shining new home.
But, on another note, there is that whole thing about how this year I have the intentions to be mindful and brave. Ah, to be brave.
Today I read some posts on Tabulous – a fine gal named Tabatha’s blog. In one of her recent posts, By the Skin of His Teeth, she talks about how her special needs son is biting his little sister, and she’s struggling with how to handle the situation. At the end of the post, she says:
I don’t hear other moms, of special needs kids or not, talking about their kids viciously attacking one another. I don’t hear about dealing with toddler and preschooler rage issues, if that’s what this is, I honestly have no idea. This is my first time parenting, I have no clue if this is a phase or if I’m looking at the makings of a sociopath.
And when I read that I thought I could have written that. To the letter. Because I have a special needs child, and I am hardly ever brave enough to blog about her.
So, Tabatha, okay. I will make it a point to man up and join your ranks. Elise went through her phase of biting kids, she went through her phase of getting suspended from school in KINDERGARTEN, and thankfully she finally got her IEP. How sad is it, by the way, that I am ETERNALLY THANKFUL that my child has been classified as special needs in school so that they will treat her like the loving, sweet, capable and innocent child she is and not treat her like a monster, a bad kid, like they did before she was diagnosed with PDD & ADHD. Yeah. The truth is, I have no shortage of stories about this crazy kid.
I’ve just had a shortage of cajones. It’s hard enough being a parent at all and writing about your child on the internet, opening yourself up to the scorn and unsolicited advice of Alpha moms. (SHUDDER) (VOMIT)
I just have to buck up and be brave.
Lately I have not been able to remember my dreams well, which is something that I never had a problem with before. All my life I have been able to remember most of my dreams, every night it was a new adventure in vivid color and detail. I would see whole plots carried out in my dreams, and often they would haunt me into the daytime.
I always thought it was cool to be able to remember my dreams, because I talk to so many people who just don’t. I always thought those people were missing out, you know? Dreaming is this whole part of my life, it’s a thing that happens just about every day, so it’s something I have come to take for granted.
Something is happening though, I am having trouble remembering my dreams and it is really starting to stress me out.
What happens is – I know that I’ve had a dream, but I can’t remember what the dream was about. Like this morning Elise woke me up, jumping into my bed. As soon as I woke up I was very alert, and the first thing I said to her was “Wow, I had a crazy dream, I have to write it down!” But seriously, as soon as I said that I forgot all about what I was dreaming.
Throughout the day though, the dream haunted me. I kept having these weird flashes of dream – remembering being with a bunch of families, people with children, waiting – getting ready to go somewhere – everything feeling very urgent.. It was kind of creepy, the dream, that’s what I think anyway.
It’s all very strange. NOT remembering my dreams make me think even MORE about the dream during the day than if I knew exactly what the dream was about.
Where I have been lacking in dreams I have been totally making up for in ideas.
I stopped writing Arctura last week (yeah, yeah, I KNOW). There are a few reasons for that, only one of them being a good one, which is that I have been having a curious influx of really good yet complicated ideas.
Before I start writing a book, I usually just THINK about it for a few days to a week. Sometimes I write down some ideas, but I never really outline because I am still convinced it kills my writing and I am not yet ready to test that theory. So I’ve been getting all of these great ideas to think about, and it’s awesome. One of the ideas is so good (in my oh so humble opinion) I don’t even want to mention it in the slightest or talk about it to anyone because it is SO GOOD I’m afraid someone will want to steal it. I know, isn’t that pretentious of me?
But, I’ve had another idea today, which I think is somehow connected to the mystery dream I had last night, and I am going to flesh it out a little bit tonight. I’m back on the writing wagon – 2,000 words a day or bust. It works well for me. Keeps me busy, keeps me honest.
I wanted to blog every day for a year just to show myself that I could do it. I have recently been able to complete my first monthly challenges, like NaBloPoMo, just last year. I am not a very good blogger, I don’t think. I don’t stick to a certain topic, I don’t have a niche, I wonder if I have a “voice” as it were. I don’t really know what I am doing here sometimes, other than I know I just love to write on the internet and talk to other writers on the internet, so I’m here, doing it. But then, I am not doing it because so often in the last couple of weeks I have half-assed the blogging or worse, and wonder whether its still prudent for me to cross this off my life list when I’m currently on an 85 day streak over at 750words, and to me that is a much bigger accomplishment.
So I am just going to do this, when I feel like it, because this is my blog and NYAH!
Fringe is excellent. I am finishing up the first season right now and nope, can’t stop won’t stop.