Every day I choke back more poison
to keep from choking you,
to keep the taste of days past
lingering on my tongue.
It’s not my fault you’re fallen
at my feet now, my dear.
It seems you ask me questions
that you don’t want the answers to
anyway, so why deny your suffering?
Why take away our cross?
You don’t deserve it. You do.
Not as in you were ever
too much for me, or not enough
but you haven’t seen enough
to want me this way,
Every day you walk away I want
to put my fist through a window
but you’d never see me, you’d
never wash the blood from my hands,
too busy now with your hiding.
I’m not going to tell you how far I’ve come
while you won’t let me take your hand
and bring you with me.
I will not reveal the list
of all the men I’ve killed to have you.
I will add you to it.
I will swallow all this time, and
I will raise my hands to the sky and apologize
for making the wrong kind
of difference in our lives.