Just write. That’s the idea, huh? I’ve believed for a pretty long time that if I just write, if I just keep writing, things will come to me. Things that I want to come to me – like opportunity and recognition and awards – and things that are perhaps unpleasant but that I need to have come to me anyway, like answers and clarity. Oh, for the love of clarity in some situations
And radical acceptance. This is happening and I can’t change it. So just go with it. Let it all happen and then move on and deal with it.
Radical acceptance is one of the hardest skills to learn and one of the most comforting once you get the hang of using it. It takes the blame away from yourself, and yeah, sometimes the shame. It reminds you that you are probably doing the best that you can, and even when you do the best that you can, sometimes that isn’t enough.
Yesterday I wrote, again, about how we are not safe even when we think we are. It seems to be the theme of the month, not being safe, not feeling like I am in control of what is going on in my own life and not being able to accept, yet, that there always WILL be things going on in this world that I cannot control.
But I can write about them. I can take the fear and the hurt and the disappointment and I can turn them into something I can use. I wouldn’t call it story fodder, because that would be minimizing everything that I experience and say. Yet, in a way, it is what it is. Things happen and I write about them – far more things happen than I ever will get the chance to write about and far more things happen that I will ever WANT to write about here.
Like today, with the crying this morning. With the struggle to get out of bed and get to group on time. With getting through the morning, with sharing how I felt about what happened in my neighborhood this weekend. I don’t want to write about how terrible I feel, how the dark is creeping over me today. But the dark isn’t winning, and that’s saying something. So I’ll just write. I’ll just keep writing.