It will be midnight in a matter of minutes and January will be over. This means that I will have completed one month of daily blogging, not to mention I’m on a 42 day streak on 750words. This was a month filled with words. This was a month, FILLED.
I haven’t forgotten that I am participating in the #onelittleword Big Picture Class. Remember, my #onelittleword for the year is CREATE. So have I been creating this month, have I been true to my word?
This month, I created a painting. I created five pieces of fiction that I shared online: This is How to Make Things Work, Crazy, The Bird, Out in the World, and my favorite, Bang Bang Bangladesh. I wrote 26,328 words on 750words, some of them also fiction but most of them not. I created new friendships with bloggers. I created a routine for my week that gets me up no later than 9 every morning and have kept busy nearly every day. And I’m in the process, the ongoing adventure of a process, of changing the entire path of my life.
I know, that sounds melodramatic, right? Changing the entire path of my life?
I just realized something about myself this month that I feel like I need to pay attention to. It’s something that I think about every waking hour of my day, something that keeps me up at night – waking-dreaming – plotting and planning and hoping. But I don’t want to hope. I want to DO. I want to CREATE.
What I want to create is a life on my own terms. What I mean to say is, I never want to work for anyone else again. When I was laid off from my job at the end of December, I would say that I was about 30% terrified of what my finances were going to look like, and 70% relieved/grateful/overjoyed that finally the job I hated and felt trapped in was over, and that I would never again have to go back to a place that I was miserable and work for a thankless employer.
I think I’m unemployable, is the thing. It’s not that I can’t work or do a fantastic job at what I do – I was great at my job and have a laundry list of skills to offer any employer who I feel I might be able to work for, but that’s the thing. Even if I did find a job that I could say was “great for me” it wouldn’t be the job I wanted. The fact is, there is only one job in the whole world I want. I want to make a living writing fiction. That’s it. Anything else that pays the bills is going to be in the way of what I actually want to do, and what I do everyday anyway. If I work for an employer, it wouldn’t matter what the job is. I would still resent it for not being the one I really want. I would still begrudgingly give my time 9-5, knowing that every minute I was doing myself wrong and wasting my own talent.
There’s this great blogger who I adore, Elise Blaha Cripe; she’s taking the #onelittleword class, too. Well, for the rest of the year, I’m taking a page out of her book. There’s this thing she says.. Is it a mantra she lives by? I don’t know. All I know is, there’s this thing of hers that spoke to me the moment I saw it, and now, whether I like it or not, I’m going to live by it:
I really hope you come along for the ride 🙂
On to month two! NaBloPoMo, I WON YOU!