Do you ever just really want to rant about something to anyone who will listen, but you know it’s all been said before and you don’t want to be redundant and annoying in your ranting, but then you think to yourself, “This is my blog!” so you do it anyway?
I just want to quit my job. I know, I know. I’ve said it a million times. It’s not new news. It’s not even old news, it is just the thing that occupies my mind with worry and resentment five days out of the week when I have to drag my ass out of bed and get into the office. I am dreading tomorrow, but even more so I am dreading Tuesday when my boss comes back from vacation and I have to be, you know, professional about things.
You know it’s bad when you have trouble getting out of bed in the morning. But I think it’s gotten to a worse state now, when it’s Sunday and I am already in a bad mood because tomorrow will be Monday, and even though generally Monday and Tuesdays are my favorite days of the week, I dread it anyway.
It just wasn’t a good day today.
I spent yesterday with Daryl, Todd and Zak, having a million laughs and more fun than I’ve had in a while with them – I think I might have peed myself a little, that’s how much we laughed together. Then, this morning I was woken up early, by surprise, when Elise was dropped off by her grandparents hours before I expected her. We lay in bed most of the day, watching Netflix and probably eating too much, and then for whatever reason I thought going to a movie would be a good idea…
Then things just fell apart. She threw a fit about brushing her teeth, I mean an actual screaming, throwdown on the floor, banging head against the wall FIT over brushing her teeth – something that’s not new, something we do every day and she knows she has to do it – and I lost my shit. Yes, that’s right, sometimes mother’s lose their shit.
I sent her to bed with no story and no song and I took one of her stuffed elephants away – and I told her this has to stop.
I don’t really talk much about Elise – I don’t want to be a mommyblogger. I think that when you write about your kids online, you are just asking for unsolicitied advice or comments and I want none of that. NONE OF THAT. I will struggle through motherhood on my own, or I will confer with my closest friends and family, but there is nothing that gets a bug up my butt faster than someone commenting or advising on my parenting without being asked. So, yeah.
Her behavior is very bad, though. Bad in school, and lately getting worse at home. And you know what? Sometimes rewarding for good behavior isn’t the answer – punishment for bad behavior is. She’s got to GET IT at some point that she is not in charge, that I am her mother and I am in charge, and she needs to listen to me, and be nice about it.
Holy hell I just ranted on and on, didn’t I? Too bad it didn’t make me feel any better about anything.