Ever tried, ever failed + You’re Gone

CheneyOn Life, Poetry0 Comments

Eighteen straight days of blogging ended because I went on a date, was irrationally let down by the date, and then I wallowed in a stupor of weepiness and melancholy with Alisha for the last two days. 

Saturday morning, Elise and I were sitting at the kitchen counter stools and she tried to slide her stool closer to mine but just ended up smashing one of the legs down onto my right middle toe. The pain was brief but intense, and shocking. Tears instantly welled in my eyes the moment it happened, and from there the floodgates were opened and I was in deep trouble. 

I could barely stop crying the rest of the day.

Thankfully I have a friend who will take me as I am, or at least as she knows me to be, and help me. Just by being there and being her.

If it weren’t already so late at night, I would have more new words for you. Instead, for now, this:

You’re Gone

I decided months ago that I never wanted

to write another poem about you again,

but when I woke up this afternoon I realized

it was you I had been dreaming about

and I woke up recalling the exact caramel color

of your skin, each meticulously placed freckle,

the way you and gravity worked so hard to

make your hair fall just so over your forehead –

I was dreaming of all these details

burned into my memory after all these years

when I woke up I knew you were the only thing familiar

and for an hour all I wanted was you.

I went outside, stood in two inches of snow,

tried to warm myself and melt away your image

But my mind held on, reached deeper, and

remembered one club night in New York

when I was dancing with you, and in once instant

you were gone. I turned around

expecting to fall into your open arms and

you were nowhere to be found.

For the next hour I searched for you –

Searched men in black shirts and pants,

searched hundreds of brown eyes that weren’t yours,

reached for hands that didn’t know mine –

I lost you.

But just as I was giving up, resigning to

go back to the dance floor and hope

that you’d find me, you did –

Wrapped silk arms around me, and led me home.

You will never lead me home again, what’s more is

I will never wrap my eggshell skin around you again.

I will never get close enough to let you crush me.

I’ll never again look into your eyes

and say ‘I love you,’

I’ll remind myself every day that

you don’t deserve me anymore.

I’ll remind myself every day that

It’s over, and

you’re gone.

Feel like sharing some thoughts?