There was no plan for this year. No plan other than “Do NaNoWriMo” because I’ve been doing it for the last SEVEN YEARS and I felt like if I didn’t at least make an attempt this year I would feel terrifically shitty about it.
Turns out, trying is making me feel even more shitty than I could have possibly imagined. I’m just not doing good. I’m sort of trying, I really am. It just seems like it’s harder than ever to write because it’s been so long since I have done it. I’m sitting down with intentions to keep my focus on the story for an hour (or some arbitrary amount of time) and I am just drifting… Doing other things, getting distracted. Getting SCARED.
That’s a thing that’s happening. Anxiety. Depression. Seriously, I can’t believe this is even happening to me but it’s happening and I am not sure how to work through it.
Excuses, excuses? Oh, I’ve got them by the dozens. And I have a little over 4,000 words, which is half of what I needed to have by today. I am very quickly slipping behind and losing any edge I usually have at this point on winning.
Maybe I should have started out with a plan.
Maybe I should have taken this more seriously.
Maybe I should take EVERYTHING more seriously.