Elise and I have been going through some things lately.
She’s struggling with fitting in and finding her place in the world.
I’m struggling with the fact that she is growing up and HAVING to find her place in the world.
I know some people go bonkers over their kids growing up. I feel like I was always the opposite. I was always thinking to myself “grow up, grow up” because it seemed to me, in a way, that every year that went by got better, every day week month year that went by, I loved her more.
I always thought, why do people want their kids to stay little when it’s as they get older that you really get to know who they are and bond with them as people…
I didn’t know what the hell I was thinking. I had no idea, and how could I have? I have never had an almost 9 year old before.
At her physical on Tuesday her doctor kept saying “You’re almost half-way grown, you’re almost half-way grown.” Meaning, at almost 9, she’s almost half way to 18. To like, an adult. In college, anyway.
So yeah, what the hell was I thinking? We’re going to go through so much shit as she gets older. Puberty. Boys. Dating. All those things that her dad just tries to block out of his mind and say aren’t going to happen at all, that’s what I think about, because I know that’s what girls are constantly thinking about, too. Sorry, Dad.
But no, I am not ready for that. I want her to be little for just a little while longer. I feel like when 10 comes, when we reach double digits, something will shift. That will be a serious tipping point, and maybe, I don’t know? Will that be when I lose my baby?
Or is it true, what they say? She’ll always be my baby.