It’s been quiet here. I’ve moved and I don’t have an internet connection at home and won’t have it for another four days, so my time online has been stolen in quick moments here and there, catching up on friend’s blogs, redesigning my own (again and again, forever.)
Quiet, because for a very long time I was oppressed. It sounds so dramatic, but now that I am in this place I am in, I know that all theatrics aside, it’s the truth. I’ve been quiet because I haven’t had much of anything nice to say about anyone or anything. I’ve been anxious and scared and depressed… but mostly oppressed.
So I moved out this week. Elise and I did. Our lease was up at the old house with Michelle and parting ways was barely a question – it had to happen as soon as possible.
I spent all weekend painting my new house (a trailer, if we want to get specific) and the entire time I kept thinking to myself how happy I was. By the time Tuesday, moving day, came around, I was ecstatic and I couldn’t even hide it. I had three guys helping me move and all day I kept having outbursts: “I’m so happy! I’m so happy!”
I’m so happy.
Seriously? I feel liberated. I feel like I have just gotten out of prison. Having a roomate at my age and with my personality was one of the worst decisions I’ve ever made, and I regret having made it a year and a half ago. 2011? It was not a good year. The beginning of 2012 hasn’t been that great either, but this week I can already feel things beginning to turn around.
I have a new home. I have a new home that is mine and mine alone, a home that I will make for myself and Elise in the way I want it shaped and felt and enjoyed. I will listen to lame music loudly, I will leave dishes in the sink for however damn long I want to, I will walk around with my bra off, and by god, I will hang my bras from ceiling fan if I damn well please. Because I can. Because now there is no one around to complain, or talk shit, or be snarky. Finally.
I am never going to have a roommate again, and what’s more is, every day that passes by solidifies in me even more the fact that I probably should never get married. Shocker, right? I’m just a solitary soul. I like friends. I like company. But mostly I like sitting on my couch alone, reading a book with some silly action movie on as background noise, droopy boobs hanging about under my teeshirts and my shoes kicked off in the middle of the floor. That might just be when I’m most content, and it’s something I haven’t been able to enjoy in over a year.
Ok, enough of that. You get it. I’m happy, and I’m feeling free, and full of renewed… I dunno.. vigor for life? I’m just feeling great. And I hope it lasts.