I made a mistake.
Last night I told Elise that after the clock on the stove said 9:00 – like when it was 9:01 or 9:15, she could come wake me up, at which point, after making coffee, she could learn how to log in and use the computer on her own.
Well, this is how I woke up this morning.
I was sleeping peacefully, and then I was being attacked.
I didn’t hear her coming, I just suddenly felt myself being pummeled on the side and back by her excited little slaps, SCREAMING
“MOM, IT’S AFTER 9:00! I FORGOT TO WAKE YOU UP AT 9:00! IT’S 9:06, GET UP! GET UP!”
I made a terrible mistake.
Elise is the kind of kid who needs all the details. I didn’t give her all the details. Or, maybe I wasn’t thinking that it was just a terrible idea to begin with to INVITE HER TO WAKE ME UP, because I am generally startled upon awakening, so I like my alarm to be a quiet, repetitive and low tone, something unoffensive.
We both woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
My entire day has been like this:
Pro tip: don’t dip your uncovered open wound into bucket of bleach water.
Oddly enough though, I actually LOVE the smell of bleach. It’s probably one of my favorite scents, right up there with gasoline and day old, just laid pavement. Even though I’ve washed my hands twice since I left work, they still smell bleachey. I think I used too much.
Anyway, this damn cut on my finger better not turn into something stupid like cellulitis or gangrene because I’m gonna be pretty pissed if I permanently lose the ability to flip people off with both hands at the same time.