Lily Rose’s Rough Night

CheneyWriting Challenges6 Comments

The floorboards creaked under the doctor’s considerable weight and I seen him out the slits of my eyes when he sat on the chair next to me and wiped the slick from his brow. He was huffin’ and puffin’ something fierce and if I weren’t so weak with fright, I would’a given him the bed to lay on while he asked me what I encountered that night.

My daddy was gone but Momma hovered by the bed as well as the sheriff and pastor. I swallered hard and pulled the blankets up to my chin, made myself small.

‘You say Lily Rose, some men came after ya?’ the sheriff asked me, and I felt my eyes get wide and I shrugged and trembled.

‘You say you think it was a man, right? Or a bunch of ’em?’ from the doctor, licking his red red lips. ‘I could do an exam,’ he said to my Momma, not to me, and I know he just wanna put his hands on me down there so I squeak at my Momma and she tells him no.

‘Jus’ tell us what happened tonight, please,’ from the pastor.

My Momma looked at me stern an I swallered again, wishin’ I had water but too scared to ask. So I jus’ told ’em.

‘I heard a curious rustlin’ on the porch so I stepped to the winda’ to see out but couldn’t see nothin’ at all on account of it was so skeetin dark. I just put the baby down for the night an’ didn’t want her wakin’, sos I got the broom and stepped outside.

‘It felt strange out there, cold-like, an y’all know it was dang near 80 las’ night. I stepped out on the dooryard and that’s when I seen the mist.

‘It sorta took on like a wall. ‘Bout as high as pastor’s head would be, and thick, and kinda green like? An when it got to be a’the edge of the dooryard, the dogs inside set to howlin’ an’ the baby starts wailin’ an’ my heart jus’ about ran outta my chest. An I jus’ stood there. Didn’t move to get the baby, didn’t run. I didn’t even feel a fright right then, but I felt awful queer and I swear I think there were people movin’ about in that mist or some monsters or some such terrible creatures. I creeped myself out. I should have stopped looking at the mist but I couldn’t help myself. An’ that’s when Joy came up and grabbed me an pulled me back in the house.’

‘And what did Joy see outside, Lily Rose?’

‘Well she said it was bats flown out of the barn and across the dooryard through some ordinary fog,’ from me, thinkin’ on how crazy it made me sound.

They all stared at me, the sheriff, the pastor, Momma and the doctor, not believing.

They could think what they want, but Lily Rose won’t be goin’ out in the dark no more.

For the Scriptic.org prompt exchange this week, SAM at http://frommywriteside.wordpress.com gave me this prompt: I creeped myself out. I should have stopped looking at the mist but I couldn’t help myself.

I gave Eric Storch at http://sinistralscribblings.com this prompt: Hurry! The unicorns are coming! (Use that dialog verbatim in your response.)

6 Comments on “Lily Rose’s Rough Night”

  1. I love this. Even the dialect was good. I love how you captured what was going on in my head when I have that prompt. We are surrounded by civil war battleground where I live, and my husband broke down and pulled off into the parking lot of the battlefield to wait for me. It was misty, and my creativity played games with me until I had literally creeped myself out. I put the windows up, locked the doors, and took off as fast as I could for home.

  2. I love this. Even the dialect was good. I love how you captured what was going on in my head when I have that prompt. We are surrounded by civil war battleground where I live, and my husband broke down and pulled off into the parking lot of the battlefield to wait for me. It was misty, and my creativity played games with me until I had literally creeped myself out. I put the windows up, locked the doors, and took off as fast as I could for home.

  3. Ha, that’s awesome Sam! Thank you! I think the freakiest thing is that Eric, who I gave the prompt to, also wrote about something coming out of a mist this week! I think we Scriptic’s are all in tune in some way.

  4. Ha, that’s awesome Sam! Thank you! I think the freakiest thing is that Eric, who I gave the prompt to, also wrote about something coming out of a mist this week! I think we Scriptic’s are all in tune in some way.

  5. Pingback: Weekly Roundup: October 5-11, 2012 | scriptic.org

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