NaNoWriNot Happening This Year I Don’t Think

CheneyI'm Writing a Book, On Writing20 Comments

You’d think that a person who was so fed up with herself over being a lump on the couch and watching too much TV and being unproductive for a year would TOTALLY rock NaNoWriMo and use it as a reason/excuse/motivation to finally get butt in chair and start writing again.

Such is not the case.

I’m so angry. So angry with myself. So angry that I never finished all the great things I started, so angry that I have wasted so much of my life. So angry that forcing myself to sit in front of the blank page for an hour a day just isn’t getting the results like I want it to.

Nicole Blackman, one of my favorite poets, said best, repeatedly:

“You must change your life. You are never ready.”

I have like eight different things that I want to work on writing. None of them are this “great” NaNoWriMo idea I came up with on the 2nd of November because I thought it would be “easy.”

Herpaderpa, Cheney. Is it ever easy?

Forgoing NaNoWriMo? I never thought it would come to this.

I used to look forward to NaNoWriMo every year because I always knew that I could do it, and I did it again and again. I was a finisher. No matter how much the MS sucked, I was a finisher! I looked forward to the feelings of satisfaction and success.

But this year? It’s one of those things, like, don’t expect much, aim low, so you aren’t as disappointed.

I don’t think I could take getting toward the end of the month and failing. I don’t think I can get close but no cigar, here.

I already feel pretty crushed, I don’t think I can take squashed.

But it’s okay, right? Cause that’s what I am going to tell myself. That it’s okay to give up on something if you are going to commit ย yourself to latching on to something else? It’s what I am trying to tell myself.

I have all of these goals … mostly they involve quitting certain things to make me a better, more productive person.

It’s not going well.

But the stress of NaNoWriMo? The stress of “OH MY GOD I HAVE TO WRITE TODAY I HAVE TO GET SOME WORDS ON PAPER TODAY OR I AM GOING TO FAAAAAAIIILLLL”

The anxiety in me is already too much. Why am I doing this to myself?

Because I still think, stupidly, that there is actually still someone out there that I need to IMPRESS.

HA! What a joke.

Maybe next year, NaNoWriMo. For now, I am going to try to keep just a little bit of the sanity I have left.

nanobreakup

20 Comments on “NaNoWriNot Happening This Year I Don’t Think”

  1. Look after your sanity you know your limits what you need to do and not and one shouldn’t feel so stressed over something that should improve ones quality of blogging writing or wherever ๐Ÿ™‚ you’ve done the right thing and heck now you can blog when you want ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. Thanks for your honesty.
      I always feel guilty when I don’t come through but sometimes it’s no point forcing yourself.

      All you can do is your best and leave the rest.

      1. (Looks around, checks behind, looks around again.)

        Me? You’re THANKING ME? For being honest?

        Wow. That’s a big deal since I blogged anonymously for a long while cause I didn’t ever feel like I could be honest and also be accepted. I thought that “being yourself” and “being well-liked” we’re mutually exclusive things there.

        But thank YOU. Cause you’re right. Do your best and leave the rest. I was NOT doing my best at NaNoWriMo. I wasn’t trying or working as hard as I should have or needed to. So I’ll leave it, to do the rest better.

  2. I tried NaNoWriMo a couple of years back. I lasted about a week and a half before I ditched it. I just didn’t have the time to really get into it. Somehow I find NaBloPoMo a lot easier to manage every day.

    1. Oh it’s DEFINITELY easier to manage. Truth is sometimes much much easier than fiction, for one thing, and also there are no rules for how MUCH you have to blog every day ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. Smart woman, Cheney. I’m proud of you for making a great choice. With the self-stress, what you wrote would have made your self-judging editor miserable anyway, right? Now you can spend more time on kid, job, health, this blog, life. Health. Health. Health. ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. Oh my god dude. Seriously. I love you, man. You said the EXACT thing I needed to hear from someone. I literally felt like 100 pounds just got lifted off my shoulders by reading that comment. You do good work here on the blogosphere, man.

  4. Hey there, I found you via the NaBloPoMo blogroll.

    I’m Wrimo-ing, and it is going ok, but this is my first one and I am not a finisher of things, so I am still uncertain if I will finish it. But I am determined I will finish this commenting challenge. ๐Ÿ™‚ So here I am..

    I’m happy for you that you know your sanity comes first..

    As part of NaBloPoMo I try to comment on as many participating blogs as I can, and I also add participating blogs to my feed reader.

    So Iโ€™m just dropping by to let you know Iโ€™ve added your blog to my feedreader, Iโ€™m reading you loud and clear, I have a link up going at my place so my readers can find participating blogs which you are more than welcome to add your blog link to.

    Looking forward to seeing your posts, and youโ€™ll likely see me drop by again during November.

    Happy NaBloPoMo to you!
    Snoskred
    http://www.snoskred.org

  5. This is the reason I wouldn’t participate the stress. I would feel that I made a commitment and NEED to fulfill it. I use to work on several projects and ever finished any. I have a first daft of a novel that I wouldn’t go back and edit. I’ve been working on a novel since 2006 that is almost completed. I decided to work on it at my leisure and hopefully finish some day. I stopped beating myself up over it. I write my poems sometime some short stories. I try to blog constantly and for now that’s enough. I’m telling you this because we have to take care of ourselves mentally to keep the stress at bay. Stress will kill us faster then our diseases. I have lupus also an autoimmune disease and it affects my thinking and my energy level. Some days we need to just sit around and watch TV and if that’s what we feel like doing then do it. I learned that I shouldn’t try to force my muse to work. It will happen when it happens and usually when I stop trying it happens my fingers fly over the keyboard. So take care of you first and always.

    1. Thanks for the supportive words. I feel so much more relaxed already today knowing that the pressing deadline of that commitment is off my shoulders. And when it comes to editing? Oh boy. That’s WAY more stressful to me than writing the first draft. Which is why I’ve never published anything.

      1. Where I am with my novel when I went back to it I had to read though to remember what i had in the story. Again when was starting to work on it I started reading it again thus editing. This time I had new plot ideas and characters it made me excited adding them. I up to a part I didn’t edit before and it’s frustrating. What I’m saying getting through the first edit is rough but the second is a little easier. I think for myself if I stop blogging I could finish but I enjoy the people I’ve met here.

        1. Yeah, I wouldn’t want to have to choose one or the other either. Plus, what’s the point of writing if you don’t have people to share it with?

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