Yesterday was my friend Beau’s 30th birthday. Beau and I have been friends for years and years. If you ask me, we met when I was working at Norm’s diner, and he was a customer of mine when he came in with two of our other friends, Kelli and Nathan. If you ask Beau, we met on one of my birthdays when we were partying it up at Margaritas. Either way, it’s been quite a while, so when I got an invitation to attend Beau’s secret 30th birthday party, I couldn’t pass it up.
Chana, Beau’s girlfriend, was the one who sent the invite and organized the event. It was a trip to a place called Dadd’s Extreme Indoor Sports in West Haven. Please, do click on that link and prepare yourself for the horror that is Dadd’s website. Then just imagine the rest of the horror… This is a place of Go-Karts, Lazer Tag, mini golf, batting cages, air hockey, ski ball, and more video games than you can shake a stick at… So, in other words, not my usual idea of a good time. But what the heck? It was for Beau, and how bad could it be?
Upon arriving at the secret location and giving Beau our best wishes, we got right down to business. Everyone wanted to ride the go-karts first, so that is what we did. Now, keep in mind I have never ridden a go-kart in my entire life. I’ve never ridden a four wheeler, I’ve only ridden in a convertible once in my whole life for godsake, how was I going to drive a go-kart? But whatever. Beau’s birthday. And it didn’t look so bad.
I went in the second wave of riders as there were only five or six go-karts to use. I was nervous at first, but then as I got going I thought that it really reminded me of the speed track at Disney World – except those cars are on a track where you can’t bump into anything and the speed is on lock down. But anyway, it was pleasant. Some of the turns were sharp and scary, and I didn’t really like it when any friends got too close to me, but overall it was really fun. Surprisingly fun. Fun enough for me to want to do it again.
We sweated it out later in an intense battle of girls-on-guys Lazer Tag, had some pizza and Reeces ice cream cake, played some video games, and then were ready for more intense go-kart action. I know, it sounds like we’re a bunch of kids, right?
So I settle in to my go-kart for the second race of the day. I was psyched, and I was even ready to go SO much faster than I had the first time (I was told that I had been put putting along like a grandma in my first race) so I was really ready to cut loose now that I knew I could control the thing and have a good time.
The go-karts were battery charged, so we were all lined up three by three with our karts plugged in from above, waiting. Everyone else’s kart was charged before mine, and we sat there waiting and waiting for mine to charge.
So I look up at this guy who was getting us all strapped in, charged up and ready to go and I asked him:
“Am I going to be SUPER charged now?”
“Oh yeah,” he said. “You’re going to have the fastest car now.”
And he winked at me.
‘Okaaaay.’ I thought, and then we were off.
Before I had even rounded the second corner I knew something was terribly, terribly wrong. I was FLYING around the track, the go-kart was bucking and shaking and rattling beneath me, it was taking all of my strength to get the wheel to turn so I could take the corners sharp enough to not bump into the outer wall… Not good, not good at all. I was screaming, literally SCREAMING at the top of my lungs because I could not control this stupid go-kart. I was pumping the brake, slamming the brake, holding my foot down as hard as I could on the break and I didn’t slow at all. I rounded a corner and got to the one blessed straightaway where I pass that dude again, the one who worked there and told me I would have the fastest car. As I sped by at warp speed he yelled to me:
“You don’t even have your foot on the gas!”
And no, I didn’t.
I don’t know if my car was broken, I don’t know if that asshole was remote controlling my speed (apparently they can totally do that) I don’t know if I was just SUPER charged like I had said.. but I rounded the sharpest turn on the track, and something happened. I couldn’t steer. I couldn’t get around it.
It was a spectacular crash.
I hit the barrier dead on, plowed right into the four or five inch METAL barrier that ran along the edge of the track. It happened in an instant, and somehow the front of the kart LIFTED the metal barrier, which the kart went under, and it scraped along my right leg, pinning me underneath it.
PINNING ME UNDERNEATH IT.
I crashed along a fence right in front of one of the guys who came with us, Adam. I heard him yell: “Oh my god, are you okay?!” and I just sat there, shaking. I looked down at my leg, my poor, poor leg. I couldn’t even see the bottom of it, I couldn’t see below my knee because this heavy metal barrier that is supposed to keep go-karts from crashing, had lifted up off the ground and pinned me. And all I could thing was ‘Oh my god, I’m going to be an amputee.”
I was in total shock. I watched these go-kart guys come racing towards me, yelling at everyone else to stop and not to get out of their karts. One of the guys lifted the barrier off my leg and the other pulled me out from under it, and the guy kept telling me ‘Don’t get out yet, don’t get out yet,’ as if I wasn’t in total shock and could move of my own volition..
They pushed me back to the start, and I just sat there looking at my leg. Already it was swelling and bruising, and there was a small cut on my shin and a thin piece of skin that was just peeling away. My finger hurt – I had jammed it or something, and it was also sore and swollen. But I was okay.
I got up out of the car and took off from the go-kart guys, I was desperate to get away from all of that and the HUGE CROWD OF PEOPLE who were staring at me. Adam later said that it was “the sickest go-kart crash he had ever seen,” and he wasn’t the only one who found my crash particularly remarkable. Chana caught me and brought me back to our little party room and someone gave me an ice pack for my leg – at least they are keeping up with their first aid supplies there.
So yeah, here’s a picture of what my leg looks like tonight – it is actually waaaay better looking than I thought it would be, and although it is pretty sore still, it could still be much, much worse. Amputated, for instance.
It’s still really swollen.. I guess that is a pretty bad picture but it’s the best I could do at the moment. See the little cut there? Yeah, I drew blood on that damn go-kart.
Needless to say, I did not get back on that horse. I can pass on that without feeling too bad about it, methinks.
So yeah, I crashed, it was a spectacular crash. What did YOU do this weekend?