OoooK, Cupid

CheneyOn Life0 Comments

Some observations on the website that got me a date for tomorrow night, Ok Cupid:

 

  • Most men who say they are 35 or 40 are probably 45-50
  • There is an OBSCENE amount of men on this site who have “McLovin” as part of their username
  • Many younger guys clearly have no idea how to attract a woman, but they do show the most enthusiasm
  • If you’re a man, I’d say the likelihood that Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy is one of the (if not the only) books that you have listed as having read on your profile is about 70%.
  • You say you have “a little extra” – we call that overweight.
  • You’ll be surprised how many people you know that are on this site – message them, it’s fun
  • No one believes you when you say you enjoyed Pretty Woman.
  • Oh yeah, and we’re all crazy around here.

 

This will probably get me terrible traffic to my site, tons of spam, and shady visitors, but I can’t help but post some of my favorite OKFails from various local profiles I’ve come across. Hint: if you are on OK Cupid, have some fun with the “Roll the Dice” button! The following snippets were NOT edited:

 

The Most Private Thing I’m Willing To Admit:

I love playing w/ myself~shaving~”front and ecspecially my ass”.
Luv to shave my ass so it’s like a babys’ butt, nice’n’smooth.~~
I also like to wear thongs~turns me on~it’s kinky~and I LUV playing with my “toys”~(anal)~hmm~hmm~HMMM)~kinky.

 

My Self Summary:

(redacted) was never born, (redacted) was built. Spare parts from dozens of locations were brought together on that fateful night by a mad man. He thought he could create a better person, a god like being whose powers would dwarf all of mankind. He wasn’t completely wrong, but the horror he unleashed was even beyond his dreams. Fear in his heart, horror on his mind, that madman finally did what no one else could do. He destroyed his creation. Tore it limb from limb, carved it up into little pieces and threw them out into the trash, right before he shot himself.

 

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food:

porn,X-rated movies, shows that are pornographic,death metal and wet pussy

and from the same profile…

The six things I could never do without:

1. My dvd player 2. Porn 3. my right hand 4. KY 5. A quiet place 6. dirty towels

 

My self summary:

I used to make fun of people for having a “theme” to their house, until it became increasingly apparent that the theme of my house is Marvel Comics and Universal Monsters. Lest you believe that somehow marks me as somewhat less mature than others, I will remind you that I recently moved and a lot of that stuff was super heavy. That shows both strength and commitment.

 

See what I am dealing with here? The fact that I got a date at all is an amazing feat.. let’s see how it goes tomorrow. I can’t wait.

 

 

 

Feel like sharing some thoughts?