I’ve been feeling really anxious lately, more worried, more on edge, more depressed. It’s a terrible thing because I do suffer from depression and anxiety and I know that it can present its symptoms in cycles. I’ve been feeling really good and I’ve been off of medication for over a year now, but now I am thinking it’s time to get back on some meds and back into counseling.
Last week I had some altercations with my boss at work that just sent me into a tailspin.
I cried at work, which I have never done there, and which is pretty much impossible to get away with doing when you are a waitress and have to serve people and be conversing with them with a smile on your face when inside you just want to curl up and die.
Since that happened, I’ve pretty much been having panicky thoughts about crying at work again.
Panicking about panic? Yeah, that is a sign that it’s time to get some help before I really go off the deep end.
Trouble is, I’ve been off meds and without a doctor so long, I am now adrift in the world without behavioral health care, and I once again have to go about obtaining it.
This morning I spent two hours calling doctors offices, and was only able to get one appointment.. on May 13th. This isn’t an appointment with a therapist, it’s an appointment with a general physician, because this particular office won’t take behavioral health patients unless they are first seen by a primary care doctor. Who the hell knows how long it will take to get help from them after that.
Other places, it’s insane, they don’t even have people to answer the phone. They have “intake services” where you have to leave your name and phone number and a message and they will call you back “as soon as possible.”
People with mental health problems, people who are reaching out and asking for help, some of them who could be completely at their wits end, can’t even get a HUMAN BEING to acknowledge them when they are trying to do so?
It’s unconscionable to me.
The way I see, the only way to get help within a few weeks let alone a few days, is to go to the emergency room, break down, and beg for help.
Why do we have to feel the need to do this?
The system sucks. The system is totally broken.
I had such high hopes that the Obama administration would actually get us better access to better healthcare, but so far, no such luck as far as I can see.
I’m afraid to think how this situation will look a few years from now if the American people aren’t smart enough to elect another democrat, because we all know the others feel about taking care of it’s citizens that need the most help.